 Speed Dating Part I (Preparation)
I am a lazy person and while it’s easy to be thrilled about trying something new I find it tough retaining the enthusiasm. Invite me to a paintball weekend in the Lake District or to take up belly dancing and I guarantee you will not find a more willing partner, but as it gets closer to the date where I have to machine-gun orange dye over an occupational therapist from Cricklewood my eagerness to leave the comfy confines of my home sinks into a pitiful state. I’d rather be force fed a day-old doner kebab.
Yes, I’m sure the Lake District is picturesque at this time of the year. Learning belly dancing might magically turn me into a sexy and mysterious woman but because I am lackadaisical it is unlikely I’ll ever find out. There is one glimmer of hope in combating my increasing lethargy. I am going to try speed dating.
Since I signed up for the speed dating I am all of a flutter at how exciting it will be. Two of my straight friends have done it and after several encouraging conversations they convinced me it is a great thing to test out. Okay so neither of them met the partner of their dreams but I am hopelessly optimistic speed dating will be an enriching experience.
I am so thrilled about the night I’ve already picked out what to wear. The information sent to me suggested choosing clothes which are a good representation of my style and I am comfortable wearing. I don’t have a style. A tendency to buy blue tops and shirts because it‘s my favourite colour cannot be considered a style and if I wear what makes me feel comfortable I’d turn up to the speed dating in my frayed, flannel pyjamas. After much deliberation I decided on a top from Next which hides my non-existent bosom and a favourite pair of jeans which I need to keep hiking up or I’ll be flashing my knickers.
Reading the fine print lets me know what to expect when arriving at the speed dating destination. I shall witter nervously at the nearest person and when instructed to take the seat opposite my first victim, will talk them into a coma until three minutes are up, then move on to the next person. In-between gabbing I have to size up the woman in front of me, decide if I want to pursue any type of relationship with her and write down all pertinent information. Here’s where I encounter my first quandary.
I am as short-sighted as Mr Magoo. It’s not a problem during the day when I wear my glasses but for any social event I slip in contact lenses and unfortunately I can’t read well when wearing them, especially in mood lighting. The list of names indicating all the women I meet will have to be held four and a half inches away from my face making me squint and frown thereby ensuring I am instantly attractive to 0% of the population. Even if I manage to overcome this obstacle my speed dating friends have warned there is little time to write down your preferences. In the precious seconds it takes for the person sitting opposite to swap places with the next woman there is barely a chance to take the lid off a pen let alone make notes on who you like.
One thing I am in favour of is the idea that at lesbian speed dating you have three options. If the person opposite you resembles Cousin It with the personality of Blanche from Coronation Street you tick the ‘Not interested’ box. If you are attracted to a particularly luscious lady you tick the, ‘Yes I do fancy you and wonder if later this evening you’d be interested in a snog and possibly a quick fumble if you don’t mind’. It’s the third option that I am most delighted with. You meet someone, they are funny and nice but there is no sparkage. It would be nice to get to know them better because of the possibility that you might become friends then tick the, ‘Let’s be mates’ box. My straight friends did not have this option and I wonder why. Is it because, like Harry said when he met Sally, straight men and women cannot be friends? I’m not sure if I will encounter anyone to fancy but I’m going to be severely disappointed if I don’t meet at least one woman I’d like to go down the pub and play pool with.
My next dilemma is what if nobody likes me? It’s all very well mentally preparing myself in case I’m not attracted to anyone but it would be ego-shattering if I found out nobody wanted to see me again. In the Speed dating for Dummies handbook it is made clear there is notification by email if any matches occur. You don’t find out who fancies you unless you like them too. Now I have to incorporate a ticking strategy. Should I tick every box, pretending to fancy all the women I met so I can find out how many of them liked me? What if everyone takes the cowardly way out and does the same thing?
I am looking forward to trying speed dating even though I’m not sure what to expect. If all goes well I’m hoping it may encourage me to be less lazy and try out other new experiences. Who knows, in a few months’ time I could be taking my belly dancing girlfriend whom I met at speed dating to a Heart of Darkness paint ball competition deep in the Lakes.
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