 How To Acquire An Internet Girlfriend
It's not easy finding a girlfriend. You may live in a place where joining a quasi-religious sect or puncturing every inch of your epidermis with needles (similar to Pinhead in Hellraiser) is viewed with less negativity than girl on girl action. Even if you reside in a sprawling metropolis where nobody gives a flying fig whose love shack you enter, problems can remain. Everyone knows all the good ones are married or straight. You might be shy, have scabies or just be hideously ugly but fear not, there is light at the end of the tunnel. During the seventies, when most scientists were changing bong water or engaging in free love, some ingenious types created a marvel. It is now more commonly known as the internet. Thanks to the world wide web every lesbian out there is guaranteed to score.
Familiarising Yourself With The Equipment
To begin, all you need is a computer, rudimentary knowledge of the Internet and complete privacy. Accessing triple X photos of your girlfriend at the public library will not endear you to Jean and the rest of the staff, so keep your virtual women at home, preferably in the bedroom. There has been some debate over the effectiveness of webcams. Do you want to have hot and heavy conversations with your loved one when there is a time delay of more than ten seconds in what you say and do? Crucial words, suggestions, movements will be lost in the pixilated mayhem. It's less hassle to rent porn. After all, these career women have been trained to look good in front of a camera; what credentials do you have?
Examine The Options
There are a number of options available to lesbians acquiring an internet girlfriend:
1. Join a dating site. Depending on how deep your pockets are, pay an elite company to pick out females higher up in the evolutionary scale than you. The more money you part with, the better class of woman you get. Apparently. Don't fall for this hokum. Every dating site, no matter how exclusive it is, will have a fair share of losers on its books. They have to be palmed off on someone and that someone could be you. It's like betting, spend some money but give yourself a limit. If the company hasn't found you a girlfriend by the time the limit's reached, back away from the site and reconsider what to do. Another option is joining a free dating site. They are out there so hunt around.
2. Chatrooms. No matter what hobby, desire or political affiliation you have there is a chatroom to match those needs. A plus point of using chatrooms is being able to talk to people you already have something in common with. A minus point when using chatrooms is no matter how innocent the subject matter is, eg, it might be a room dedicated to dry flower pressing, there will always be at least two people in there having cyber sex and quite possibly you will get roped into the action. Of course, this can be seen as a plus point.
3. Social Networking Interfaces. Sounding more complicated than it actually is, a social networking interface is a website like Myspace or Friendster where people post profiles, upload photos and blog. It works best for self-engrossed individuals who like nothing better than foisting their heinous music onto others, telling the world what they had for dinner last Thursday and writing bad poetry.
Is It Ever Okay To Lie?
You've found the perfect place on the internet to meet lesbians. You start chatting with a woman and get on very well. Eager to know more about you, the woman asks for personal details. If it gets too difficult you can always pull the plug on the internet connection and never visit that website again, or you could lie. No one wants to find out they are talking to a supermarket shelf stacker. In cyberspace you can be whomever you want to be. This logic also applies to photos. If the girl you like wants pictorial proof you exist, send her the photo from five years ago when you didn't have crow's feet or a beer belly. Better still, send an image of your most attractive friend. It is unlikely the girl or your friend will ever find out what you've done and if they do, it's worth losing a good pal or blossoming relationship because you wanted to feel better about yourself physically. A word of warning. If you lie, who else on the internet is doing the same thing? Just because Cheryl from Salisbury says she is a natural blonde with stunning legs and great cleavage doesn't mean it's true. There are a lot of bearded male truck drivers out there posing as lesbians so be careful.
Keep It In Cyber Space
Getting an internet girlfriend is easy but keeping one is tough work. Chances are the woman you fall for lives far away in a different country and if you're very unlucky, a different continent. It's up to you how far you want to push the commitment. You may be the sort of internet girlfriend who is quite happy with instant messaging each day and figuring out various time zones for frenzied phone sex at the weekend. If you have unlimited wealth and a complete disregard for other countries' immigration policies you could take extended holidays to see your love, thereby finding out the person who sounded so great when there was a 10,000 mile distance between you really isn't all that. Whatever you decide, having an internet girlfriend or many internet girlfriends means never having to be on your own again.
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