Lesbian Lexicon
Boi
1. Androgynous lesbian who dresses in a masculine way. Not to be confused with Avril Lavigne's Skater Boi.
1. The L Word's Shane is such a boi. I wonder where she buys her men's shirts from?
Colon grove
1. Insult used to indicate exasperation at a stranger's attempts to pick up your girlfriend. Due to the noise levels in nightclubs it is sometimes misheard as Byker Grove which is a kids' TV programme or The Golden Grove which is a pub.
1. "Stay away from my woman or I'll stick this up your colon grove!"
Commitment ceremony
1. An occasion where lesbian couples wear matching waistcoats and pledge their undying love for each other.
1. Natasha and Bonnie's commitment ceremony was full of tenderness and devotion. Five months later Bonnie ran off with the best woman.
Drag king
1. A woman who dresses as a man. Sometimes drag kings will attach facial hair to make themselves appear more butch. When it is not done by an expert, the drag king can look as if he has been attacked by a fuzzy felt board.
1. The drag king who impersonated Elvis was rubbish. He did not swivel his hips enough and the southern drawl was indecipherable sounding Welsh more than anything else.
Gaydar
1. The ability to correctly guess a homosexual's sexual orientation without being told.
1. A trained squid has better gaydar than I do.
Handbag
1. A small bag or purse carried by women and Teletubbies. 2. A heterosexual man used as a pretend boyfriend at social gatherings by a closeted lesbian who wishes to appear straight.
1. A TANO designer handbag with a leather centrefold crunch can be purchased for the bargain price of £244. 2. To avoid tricky questions about whom she was dating, Claudia employed the skills of Julio, the world's finest handbag.
Lesbos (Greek - Lesvos)
1. A beautiful Greek island. In its artistic golden age Lesbos produced noted poet Sappho.
2. A cheap Greek island which every summer opens its borders to pissed-up lesbian holidaymakers.
1. Lesbos has a very interesting history, a wonderful climate and there is lots
to see. Molivos
and Sikiminias are magnificent harbours. There's also a lot of
wildlife on Lesbos.
2. Damn, there's a lot of wildlife on Lesbos.
Lesophile
1. A lesbian who defines herself purely in terms of sexuality. Unlikely to have any other hobbies, a lesophile will spend every waking moment thinking, talking and obsessing about women. Lesophiles exclusively listen to music, read books or watch television programmes and movies which have a lesbian content or subtext.
1. Marvita is such a lesophile. Her Myspace profile is covered in L Word pictures and she's always banging on about Missy Elliott and Queen Latifah.
LILTS
1. Acronym. Lesbians I'd Like To Shag/Sex.
1. Did you see all the LILTS in the Kitty Catch Club?
Merkin
1. A pubic wig.
2. A furry mammal on the verge of extinction.
1. Queen Elizabeth I's ladies in waiting were instructed to wear a merkin at all times. Failure to do so would mean a trip to the Tower and possible beheading.
2. Read, March Of The Merkin for more information about merkins.
Minge
1. Nether regions of a woman.
2. Term of endearment for a close friend.
3. A verb similar to faffing or mincing.
1. I used an exercise bike at the gym and now have a sore minge.
2. "Hey Minge! Have you heard that Juanita got jiggy jiggy with Tanya?"
3. This weekend I stayed in and minged about the house.
Queef
1. An embarrassing noise caused by the expulsion of air from the vagina.
1. The queef problem became so bad our landlord evicted us.
Top
1. The highest point. 2. A sexually dominant person.
1. Why bother climbing to the top of Mount Everest? It's cold and easy to fall off of. 2. If you are a top and so is the person you are about to dip the chip with, the best way to settle the dispute is by a civilised bout of arm wrestling.
Turkey baster
1. A syringe type device with a plastic bulb on top used to baste meat, especially turkey. 2. A syringe type device with a plastic bulb on top used for artificial insemination.
1. Who, apart from vegetarians, can resist a succulent piece of meat stewed in its own juices? Buying a turkey baster means never having to devour dried out animal flesh again. 2. Joan's biological clock was ticking so she bought a turkey baster. She did not get pregnant. Joan then decided to follow a more traditional route to motherhood and adopt an orphan from Namibia.
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