Frequently Asked Questions

What is a lesbian?

A lesbian is a woman who is sexually attracted to women.

What is a lesbian with issues?

A lesbian with issues is a woman who is sexually attracted to women and also a complete pain in the backside. Jenny in the L Word, although a fictional character, is a prime example of a LWI.

Doesn't everybody have issues? Aren't you being rather judgemental?

Quite possibly. Have you met a lesbian with issues before? Get back to me when you have.

Do you hate lesbians?

No, lesbians are great. I am a lesbian. Some of my best friends are lesbians. Science has proven lesbians are as intelligent as non lesbians. They can operate heavy machinery, wear high heels and contrary to popular belief not all of them want to be men.

I am a woman sexually attracted to women but I am also sexually attracted to men. What does this make me?

More likely to get a shag than anybody else. It might mean you are bisexual or perhaps you're straight and like fantasizing about sex with a woman. I'm not your therapist. If you really don't know what turns you on then talk to the Samaritans. They are trained in helping people like you.

I fancy my straight best friend but I don't know whether I should tell her. What if she rejects me?

This isn't a teenage magazine. Go work out your issues somewhere else.

I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian.

Well done you. The more lesbians there are, the better.

How do I come out?

Everybody does it differently. It's finding what works best for you. Perhaps tell a few trusted friends. Believe me, your pals can be depended on to spread the news to everybody in your peer group. Parents are a different kettle of fish altogether. I am definitely not qualified to tell you how to out yourself to them.

What if people treat me differently when they know I am a lesbian?

Unless you live in a place where Allah/Braham/God/Jah has decreed it to be a sin, no one is going to give a crap. It will be major news for like one week tops and then that will be the end of it. We live in the 21st century, everybody has their own issues to deal with. They won't want to get caught up in such an insignificant thing as your sexuality.

Reasons To Be Loving Your Lesbianism

1. Unplanned pregnancies are a problem the straighties have to deal with.

2. A partner who completely sympathises when you get your period.

3. Kissing women means never getting razor rash.

4. You can go to the toilets in a club with your woman and have a quick snog in the cubicles.

5. Having a girlfriend means doubling your wardrobe.

6. You can snuggle without a girl thinking it is going to lead anywhere else.

7. Multiple orgasms for you and your partner.

8. Equal distribution of the housework. None of this, "Well you're the woman so you should be making the dinner/cleaning the fish tank/trimming my nasal hair" rubbish.

9. Lesbians can be physically affectionate in public by holding hands and hugging without people assuming they are more than just good friends.

10. Morning glory can't rear its ugly head.