Misty Shackle's Blog

March 23rd

I'm not sure if it is an over reaction on my part but I think someone was racist to Kajol. We met up with Stephanie and Jenny and went into London to a fusion restaurant that Jenny's been to before and thoroughly recommended. A waitress approached us and as Kajol was at the front she said we'd made a booking and gave her Jenny's name. The waitress ignored her and she said it again. Again the waitress ignored her. I moved next to Kajol, said exactly the same sentence she had uttered and the waitress immediately smiled and escorted us to a booth. I can hardly imagine the waitress is prematurely deaf and didn't hear what Kajol was saying because she spoke at the same volume I did and she was obviously addressing the waitress, albeit in a politer tone then I used, so all I can guess is that the woman is racist. Kajol didn't take any notice of this woman's rudeness and it wasn't a topic of discussion while we ate but it ruined my evening and I was reluctant to leave a tip.

It might sound hopelessly naive but it never occurred to me that Kajol might be treated differently to me, Stephanie or Jenny. I hate the idea of anyone treating Kajol with less than respect. After our meal we went to The Star At Night which always cheers me up and I felt more relaxed. I even agreed to the bloody camping trip because Kajol was eager to go. When we were back at my apartment I wanted to talk to Kajol about what happened or what I perceived had happened but she was so happy and wanted to slow dance in the lounge to my Sarah McLachlan Surfacing CD. As we slow danced we slow kissed and I told her that I love her. Smiling, Kajol said she loves me too.

Everything was right again and I was glad.

March 24th

What contentment there is in waking up next to a person who is in love with you. We had warm brioche, organic butter and strawberry jam with several cups of tea for breakfast and I went out to get the Saturday papers before retiring back to bed. As we lay there drowsy with our exertions, I reminded Kajol of when we first met and she mentioned her plans of moving out of her parents this year. She nodded and said it was something she still wanted to do. I told her she could move in with me. She kissed and replied she could not. I asked why. The reasons I was given follow: there is only one bedroom in my apartment, there would have to be two for whenever her parents came over so there wouldn't be conjecture of Kajol sleeping with someone. If she did do an apartment share it would have to be with a person her parents trust and know very well. We haven't been dating for very long. I had reasonable responses for all her objections but Kajol said no. I didn't mention it again but my mind was swimming with the reasons why she should move in with me. She loves me so I can't see what the problem is.

March 25th

I woke up before Kajol so went into the lounge and wrote a compelling argument as to why she should move in with me. I finished just as she joined me, wiping the sleep from her eyes. She asked what I was doing so I handed her the piece of paper. She read it and sighed. Kajol took my hands and stared into my eyes and then told me why she can't move in with me. She explained if I was a man it would be the same. She's not meant to move in with anyone unless she's married to them or they are a member of her family. She could live alone but even that would cause problems with her parents. Then Kajol told me even if her parents agreed to the move that she wanted to live alone for a while. She told me that she loved me and wanted to have a future with me but we had plenty of time to get a place together and it was too soon for her. It made me a little sad because what I want at this moment in time is different to what Kajol wants but I shall have to be patient. I said I understood and then we just sat there holding each other.

She left at noon so I rang up Stephanie and told her what happened. Stephanie was sympathetic and told me Kajol is worth waiting for. She's right but it doesn't stop me from daydreaming about how much fun it would be for us to live together. Stephanie brought me back down into crashing reality saying that Jenny had booked the camping trip and it will be over the Easter bank holiday. I got off the phone and drowned my sorrows in a huge bowl of banana mocha chocolate mousse.

March 26th

Working on reception was much better than I expected. I can now see why Lucy spends an excessive amount of her time down here. After sorting through the post, which took all of fifteen minutes, there wasn't much to do except answer the switchboard and make cups of tea. The switchboard was easy to mistress because if I didn't pick up the phone in three rings the call diverts to another telephone in the building. I got to read the newspapers and chat to people in the recruitment office. It is astonishing the wealth of gossip and personal tragedy I was privy to. One commonly held opinion is that everyone loathes working for this company or at least the people who come out to reception to loiter do.

I am going to make discreet enquiries and find out how much receptionists get paid.

March 27th

I rock. Gerald was meant to go on reception in the afternoon but had to leave the office for an emergency tooth extraction at his dentist. Doreen was furious, saying how she was going to come down on him like a ton of bricks when he dares shows his face again in the office (what did she expect him to do; knock the tooth out with a mallet, plug up the hole with cotton wool and sit on reception answering calls whilst trying not to pass out from the pain?). I approached Doreen and offered my services for reception. She was too grateful to be wary of my finagling and took up the offer. She smiled at me which is the first time she's done that since she started here and it was rather alarming. The ratio of gum to teeth in her mouth is disproportionate. I also noticed that the lipstick she'd put on had bled into the lines around her lips making her look like a recently sated vampire. Scary.

Reception was once again a joy to work on. Recruitment buy much better biscuits than we do in our office. I was also told they have a cake run on Friday and I'll be missing out on that which is a bugger.

March 28th

Kajol is moving out of her parents. She spoke to them last night about getting her own place. Her mum is not happy and thinks it's a bad idea but her dad was encouraging. She is coming over tomorrow and bringing all the local newspapers. While she looks for an apartment I can read the recruitment section. I'd told her I'd enjoyed working on reception and she asked if that's the sort of job I'd like to do in the future. I don't know what I want. Okay, if money was no object then I would like to start up a bar with Stephanie but I can't see a way into doing that. I wish I knew how the decisions I make shape my future. I wish I could go forward and find the point in my life where everything clicks into place; Kajol and I are living together in a house we've bought and I have a job I want. If I could go forward to that place and see that everything turns out all right it would make the parts that are difficult now, like the crappy job, the search for another crappy job to replace the one I have and not living with Kajol, much easier.

March 29th

Kajol is the voice of reason thank goodness. I'd had another stressful day at work but when I saw her smiling face in the evening, all my worries melted away. She's like the premium vanilla ice cream to my peanut brittle in that she's comforting and pleasurable whereas I have sharp edges and too much of me can make a person sick but put together we work well.

Kajol gave me the jobs section while she looked at apartments. I circled a few that looked interesting; receptionist at a vets' practice, security officer at Heathrow Airport and trainee mortician. I emailed my CVs off but don't think I'll get an interview at the funeral home because I accidentally misspelled mortician and didn't realise my mistake until I'd sent it off. It doesn't help that in my CV I've mentioned one of my major skills as being an expert proof reader. Kajol rang about two places and left messages on the answering machines so she should hear back tomorrow. She wants me to go no viewings with her as it's important to her that I like the place she eventually moves into. I actually thought she'd take her dad to look at them so it made me feel good she chose me instead.

March 30th

I won't be seeing Kajol this weekend. Her mum has laid a guilt trip on her saying that as she will be moving out they'll never see her. To counteract the effects of Kajol's desertion her mum is making her go on lots of family trips. The first one is up to Bradford to see Kajol's grandparents before they die, I presume from lack of attention by their grand-daughter. I will miss her but I called Stephanie and we've arranged to go out just the two of like which is all right although I'd rather be with my girlfriend.

This evening was fairly boring. I called Kajol a few times but her mobile was switched off so I sent five texts instead as I couldn't fit all I wanted to say into just one. Nothing was on TV so I looked at porn but nothing really grabbed me. I wonder if Kajol looks at porn? She won't know that I do because I always make sure to delete the history. If she does look at porn do the women look like me or is she into some fetish thing that I am totally unaware of? I went to bed before I made myself completely neurotic.

March 31st

At the weekend I'm used to waking up with Kajol next to me so not to have her there made me a little bit lonely. I texted and again her phone was switched off. I started to worry that there had been a pile up on the motorway and she was in an A&E ward somewhere in the midlands. I set to work on a massive spring clean all the while trying to push the idea of Kajol being a car accident far out of my mind. I gave myself another hour and called again. The phone was turned off so I left a message saying I was worried and to please call me as soon as she got the message, which turned out to be late in the afternoon. Kajol rang and I was so relieved. I asked why her phone was switched off and she said that's just the way it had to be when she was with her family. She explained there would be lots of questions from her relatives about who was calling so it was better to keep it switched off. She said she would always call me if we weren't with each other and that I shouldn't worry because the chances of her being in a multiple car wreck were very slim. Slim, but it doesn't mean it's not going to happen. She said she had to go and I told her I loved her but she just said goodbye. It is the first time since I've started saying it that she hasn't reciprocated. I tried to tell myself that it was because her family was about and to say those words would put her in a difficult position but that still didn't get rid of the sting.

Stephanie picked me up and we went down the Sovereign. It is the first time we've been in there and I haven't checked out women. However, I did get chatted up. It is so unfair. All the times I've been single and nothing and then as soon as I get a decent girlfriend, hot women want to sex me up. I talked about Kajol not wanting to move in with me but get her own place first and Stephanie told me that Kajol's family is very traditional and for them to even allow her to get an apartment is a massive thing so I should be happy. Far too quickly we moved onto Stephanie's woes. Jenny has bought up the subject of them having children. Unfortunately, Jenny doesn't know Stephanie as well as I do. Stephanie hates children. She doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. I'm not sure how they are going to reach a compromise because it's not like you can dump kids on someone else, like you can with a puppy, if they are being unpleasant. It was only as I was getting out of the car that Stephanie brought up the dreaded camping trip. Jenny's family are very much into the outdoor life and have a tent Kajol and I can borrow which is good because I was never going to buy one of the bloody things. There are also sleeping bags we can use. I am not ecstatic about rolling around in somebody else's dead skin cells and grime (I doubt these sleeping bags have ever been dry cleaned) but again I am loathe to fork out money for sleeping rough. Several bottles of alcohol will be taken but I regard these to be essential camping purchases.

April 1

I am really missing Kajol. She won't be back down south until late this evening so I won't see her tonight.

I made a list of things to take on the camping trip; long johns, pac a mac, strong painkillers etc. Stephanie texted to say glass was not allowed on the camping site which means I will have to pour the wine I bought into plastic containers. Classy. Our living conditions will be similar to those of our cavewomen ancestors or of homeless people but at least homeless people get to drink out of glass bottles.

April 2nd

Doreen was on at me about a Power Point presentation she wanted me to create for her and which I hadn't finished. She said I need to improve my time management which I don't agree with. I had lunch with Kelly and told her what a minge Doreen was being and Kelly  completely sided with Doreen! She said sometimes I get bogged down with little things instead of looking at the big picture. Kelly must have been having a bad day because it is unlike her to be so brutally honest with me. One of the advantages to having friends is that they are supposed say things to make you feel better, not actually express what they consider to be true. I can understand why so many lesbians end up living with cats and shunning human contact. Possibly our emotions run a little higher then everybody else's and we are too sensitive of criticism.

Towards the end of lunch Kelly asked what I thought of her new jacket. In the spirit of our new found honesty with each other I told her it was garish and made her look as if she worked in a holiday camp.

April 3rd

Kajol had her first viewing of an apartment this evening so I said I'd go with her. After having a quick bath I realised I'd left my front door open. The bathroom is right next to the front door so anybody walking past could have seen me soaping up and singing to Kylie. I must be more safety conscious from now on. Having self defence training is all very well and good but I'd rather not be attacked at all. Showing my wares to any latent deviants living in my building is not the best way to prevent this from happening.

I picked Kajol up and we went to the place. On the way she told me her dad didn't want her renting. He said it was dead money so will help her get a mortgage. I wish I had a rich father. It would be cheaper buying an offshore oil drilling company than an apartment in this area. I parked my car and looked at the information Kajol had been given about the apartment. I was right, it was dead pricey. The estate agent was waiting outside so we went to say hello. We introduced ourselves and the estate agent said it was helpful to have a friend look at apartments with you. Kajol corrected her and said that I was her girlfriend which was really sweet but the estate agent seemed a bit flustered. She regained her composure and showed us around the apartment. It was small but very modern. Kajol was ambivalent about it. After the viewing Kajol and I went for an Indian to discuss it further. She said she'd know when it was the right place for her and that the apartment we saw didn't feel homely. She hasn't got any more viewings until after we came back from that bloody camping site. Kajol said if the worst came to the worst she could always pitch up a tent somewhere. I did not find this particularly amusing.

April 4th

Doreen gave me a verbal warning! I am still shook up from the bombshell. She came over to my desk as I hastily tried to shut down a web page which featured Janice Dickenson's tips on how to become a word class model. These included looking French and not taking bullshit from anyone (sage words which could be applied to most problems really). Doreen asked if I had finished her Power Point presentation and when I said no, she demanded a discussion with me in the meeting room. I followed her to the meeting room, it was busy so she opted to hold the discussion in the stationery cupboard. Once inside there but with the door open because Doreen suffers from claustrophobia she told me that she'd asked me to do this report days ago, I hadn't done it because I was too busy reading rubbish on the internet (it's not rubbish, it's vital information) and that she had no choice but to give me a warning. As she is not my direct boss I should have argued the credibility of her warning but only considered this later at home when I was attacking the dry skin on my feet with a pumice stone.

I'm not sure but I think I'm allowed one more verbal warning, then a written warning then I'm sacked. I honestly thought warnings were given out if you told the boss to go fuck themselves or stole money from the petty cash tin, not because you view your career with apathy and put off all the boring tasks for as long as you can. Isn't that what everyone does? I am not going to tell Kajol what happened but shall increase my efforts to find a new job before I can be booted out.

April 5th

Every time Doreen stood up from her desk I was worried about her coming over and issuing me with another warning. I finished her presentation and left it on her desk while she was out at lunch so I didn't have to speak to her. I told Kelly what happened who said she was a hypocrite and that there have been countless times she's gone over to Doreen's desk and found her playing solitaire. This may be the case but I am going to lay low for a while and only go on the net when Doreen's not in the room. I might not be looking forward to the camping tomorrow but I'll least I'm having a long weekend away from the office.

April 6th

Jenny wanted us to get an early start so I was up at 5am. The logic behind this escapes me. The campsite is at best a two hour drive away. We're driving from one town in England to another town in England, not following the Inca trail to Macchu Picchu. There are four adults in the car who all have the minimal intelligence required to read a map, we are not going to take a wrong turn and end up in Wales.

Normally I like road trips but travelling to a place where I'll have to wee in a bottle if I'm caught short in the middle of the night meant did not gladden my mood. I closed my eyes and listened to my MP3 player to drown out the others' conversations. When we got there Kajol stroked my face to alert me to the place that would be my home for the weekend. In the morning sun it didn't look as squalid as I imagined it to be. We took the tents off the roof rack and Jenny and Stephanie said they'd set them up. I volunteered to have a look around the site and go find more alcohol. I know that if I stay tipsy the entire weekend I will have less of a slapped arse face.

The camp site has done its best to cater for lesbians. It had a womyn's bookstore called The Fairie's Ring, a mini market selling organic only produce. I had worried that it would be strictly vegan but there was a limited choice of Cumberland sausages and chicken breasts so I grabbed all of those and did not feel any guilt whatsoever. If this descends into a Lord Of The Flies scenario I want to make sure our camp's iron levels are at their optimum giving us the best chance of defending ourselves against hungry, marauding lesbians. I took the provisions back to the camp, dumped them in the ice box and as Jenny and Stephanie knocked in the last pegs and asked for Kajol's help to erect the tent I went for another walk.

I found the shower and toilet area, very basic but mercifully clean. I also saw what looked like a shack but turned out to be an arts and crafts type stall selling rainbow bracelets, rainbow flags, rainbow fridge magnets, really any crap you wouldn't normally buy if you were at home but do when you're on your hols or at a Pride march. I hadn't noticed it before but at the entrance of the site was a gigantic barn. I ventured in and was accosted by a jolly woman wearing a unicorn T-shirt and combat trousers. She was very tactile and got in my personal space a little too much but at least she was friendly. She asked if it was my first time there and then handed me a flier detailing the weekend's events. I took it from her and hastily bid a retreat back to our tents. Kajol, Stephanie and Jenny were lying in the sun drinking wine, which although it was 11am I had no problem with so helped myself to a mug. I told them where I'd been and handed Jenny the flier when she asked for it. A meet and greet was scheduled for 1pm in the barn which none of us wanted to go to except for Jenny. As we still live in a democracy Jenny's protestations were ignored although we did all agree to go to the chili cook-out later, probably because none of us could be arsed to cook sausages for dinner.

As we drank two other couples showed up. The first couple seemed nice. They were called Susan and Megan and had met at a softball club. As they pitched a tent we offered them some of our wine which they thanked us for. They told us they had sneaked in loads of bottles of beer so if we ever wanted one to ask. I admired their flagrant disregard for camp rules and wished we'd bought alcohol in glass bottles too. Then the other couple turned up. They were called Jane and Jan. I could not tell them apart. They were identikit versions of each other although Jane (or was it Jan) possibly had more piercings than the other one. They didn't stay long enough to chat because they went off to the meet and greet. When they came back the four of us as well as Susan and Megan were pleasantly sloshed. Jan/e told us a rumour had circulated that glass had been bought onto the site and if we knew of any person carrying it we were to report them. As she said this Megan carefully pushed the icebox containing the contraband items back into her and Susan's tent.  Jan/e then said she had been teetotal for nine years after abusing alcohol in her youth and that Jan/e had joined her in the decision to never drink again. Megan suggested we should toast them for their abstinence but Jan/e and Jan/e didn't find this funny and stormed off muttering that they were going to go and buy a rainbow dreamcatcher. We didn't see them again for the rest of the day.

It began to get dark and we were all hungry so we made our way to the barn. The chili was actually pretty good. It was vegetarian but very tasty. A huge batch of cornbread had been baked so I kept helping myself to that. As I went up for my third piece the jolly woman from earlier came to talk to me. She'd been disappointed not to see me at the meet and greet so I pretended to be unaware of it. Then she said I would get a lot more out of the experience if I participated in as many activities as I could. I would get a lot more out of the experience if I remain plastered. I agreed to her demands so finally, she stopped talking and I went back to the others.

We finished eating and were going to go back to our tents to drink and play cards with Megan and Susan when jolly woman got up on the stage in front of us and said it was time for the open mic session. Not knowing what this was we foolishly sat back down again. Over the course of the evening we had to endure heinous poetry, a rap about the Palestinian conflict and a few 'comedy' sketches. It amazes me how many people are under the misapprehension that they have a creative talent. Thankfully I was drunk and managed to drown out the most shameful material although the lines "My vagina, will undermine her" from one of the improv poetry sessions got stuck in a loop in my head. The Open Mic's one redeeming feature was to make the prospect of sleeping in a tent to get away from the caterwauling more appealing.

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